I've never understood those people who wish they could go back to high school. It's where they peaked i suppose - although i think we'd all like to relive the times where we felt like we were at the top of our game. But high school?
A 3 day extravaganza has been planned by several self-appointed 'reunion committee' members for this weekend. Tonight is cocktails - tomorrow is dinner and drinks - and then a picnic on sunday. I only intend on going tomorrow night - if at all...
I went to our HS reunion website - logged in - jotted down my accomplishments, so to speak, in the required form and then perused the listing of my classmates who had done the same. Um. wow. Married. Every single one of them. Every. Single. One. WTF!!
Have you ever been happily walking along - looking fabulous - and suddenly your freaking stiletto snaps? Or gets snagged in one of the crooks or cobblestones in SoHo and you're jarred out of your blissful existence? Well that evil website did exactly that to me. It made me audit my life - what i've done - where i've been - who i am. Why should i compare myself to people i never really enjoyed having to know in the first place? Why should i look at my life and feel like somewhere along the lines i took a left when i should have taken a right?
I went to my 10th and it was exactly like HS except we were all 10 years older - the same cliques - the same jocks - the same everything. Most of them went to college together - moved back home - and trudged through their daily existence with frightening normalcy and to me - complacency. Didn't they want more?? How could they be satisfied with what everyone i know would consider banal mediocrity?
I don't regret the decisions i've made - the opportunities i've created for myself. THESE are my glory days - not those four that i endured from 13-17 in the confines of locker-lined hallways. I've planned amazing fashion shows, partied with princes, sipped cocktails on white sand beaches - i've had incredible experiences - and yet i always want more - and more - and then more again. It's like my handbag and stiletto addiction, except with life.
I'm still on the fence - still unsure i'm actually going to go - however, i do have an appt for my hair tomorrow and i self- tanned today (does anyone have a good self-tanner that doesn't have that wicked smell to it post-application?). I'm brown now - sun kissed - and tomorrow i'll be infused with mock confidence to face those i've strived so hard to distinguish myself away from. I'll surround myself with my armour - gucci, dior, chanel and YSL - and glide into that hotel with the knowledge of who i am now, not who i was then.
It's not like i've got enough stress in my life - i closed 3 huge deals this week - am PMSing like a mofo (stumbled upon and then subsequently cried at the end of Dirty Dancing this morning - don't ask - it's embarrassing enough that i shared that) - am dealing with Museum Board drama - and numerous other things. Add this Reunion and life audit to the mix and, well, i haven't been that nice to be around.
I just need to get through the next few days - and i'll be back to my normal vain, non-self-doubting, confident self.
Bloody hell
