Highs and lows

I haven't written in a while. I've been busy - work - play - the usual. Went to Tahoe with friends and cleaned up at the Craps table - love that game - all they do is give you money. I ended up driving up for 1 day - rather than 2. It was still fun - we (4 of us who kept winning and didn't want to leave) got home saturday night around 3:30am from the casinos and woke the house up coming in...drunk and noisy. Was so glad i went - it ended up being a great weekend - really felt like a mini vacation.

Work has been incredibly busy and very stressful - i got thrown under the bus yesterday by a Sales Executive and i turned around and threw him into an oncoming train. He won't be doing that again... i swear - i love it when these guys think that i have some massive team behind me when in actuality - it's only me - supporting the strategic efforts of the entire global sales group. This was some new SE who didn't know how the process worked and when he snapped his fingers - figuratively - at me to hustle - and then pointed that just snapped finger at me when i didn't jump to his command fast enough (i have 9 deals this week - all due sometime this week - and his is due next week) - he threw me under the bus - in an email - of course cc'd to numerous people. Much to his dismay - i went for his jugular when i responded to his email. It was also vindicating when his regional director emailed all that were cc'd on his email to me - telling him not to blame me for his mishandling of his deal. Good. Fuck you. He picked the wrong day to screw with me.

I've been having a lot of self doubt lately - trying to figure out if what i'm doing is what i'm supposed to be doing. I'm being headhunted - pretty aggressively - and while it would be a lateral move - it would be to a more stable company - and very familiar territory. I'm going to push the money issue with them and see if they're still interested - see how badly they want me. I honestly don't know. When i say 'stable' in terms of my company - i'm talking about the other company being an older, established... my company is a baby in terms of how long it's been around (we're public and an industry leader - i'm not talking start-up) - and while i love what i do - the security of going back to into the other realm is somewhat tempting. I'm conflicted.

I'm being vague because i have to. I'm sure you understand.

I'm going for cocktails tomorrow night with one of my girlfriends - C - she's been one of my best friends since college. I absolutely adore her. We're meeting a group of friends - and friends of friends at a very cool - very european bar/restaurant at 8:30pm. I did a little fake tanning (i use the 'towelettes' rather than the lotion - i always miss spots with the lotion) so i don't look so pale. I did get some color up in Tahoe - but not enough - i want to be honey colored. So - i woke today with the exact color i wanted (upper body only - wearing a suit - no need for the legs) - and i don't know what it is - but i feel so much better when i have some color on me - i don't want to tan anymore - i used to LOVE tanning - i would lay out for hours - and spending half my life in hawaii - that is basically expected - and i would get golden brown - i loved it. But now - ug - i can't bare the idea of leathery skin or wrinkles in my future - so now my tan comes from the bottle - so to speak...

I'll update on the cocktails later this week if anything fun happens. I've decided against going to the ball in monte carlo - and instead i'm going to head to paris (and probably london) in october for another ball. Should be amazing...

Nothing else is going on - just the usual stuff - rich is great - i'm heading back to NY in june to spend some time with him and do some work. Cannot wait - i miss him very much.

Ciao - K