Hey Good Lookin'

There are times in a girl's life when she needs to do a deep dive into the dating abyss. That being said, a few notes before i continue: 1. i have a boyfriend. 2. we met - yikes - off a dating site. 3. we're still on said dating site as a means to stay in contact with friends. It has a chat function which at it's best is hysterically entertaining - and at it's worst is a microscopic look into the truly destructive, narcissistic, delusional, unbalanced and unflinchingly pathetic lives of the lonely. Mind you, there are some great, grounded, sharp-witted, emotionally mature and strikingly 'normal' people on this site - and then there are the men who contact me. My deep dive is digging through my Jdate 'inbox' to glean the hidden gems that i've tucked away for a cold wintery day - hidden gems that hopefully will entertain you as much as they do me.

These are all verbatim emails/messages that i've received - no changes to the content whatsoever other than removing their names - the rest of the glorious mess is all their own.

Suitor 1

Hello, I am X. I am into creating with my hands in art. Do you like dogs? Do like artist? Do you like to walk along the the beach at sunset and in hand? Have you ever bin into showing dogs? Do you like to work with clay? Are you an artistic person as wel as me? Have you ever bin to Jappan? Doyou like to coook or bake? What kinde of music do you like? Have you ever tryed Karoaky? Doyou like to sing? Do you play any musical instriments

Suitor 2

hey, i just wanted to drop a line, my name is X and i live in north carolina, my friend lives in san francisco. he is chinese, of course. i hope you are good.

Suitor 3

hello mam are u there rteally wanna chat with u you very cute hello please i wanna meet with you beatiful angel cant wait to hear from u hello dear are u there please chat with me hello dear please cum onlie chat with me

Suitor 4

hi angel

I saw your profile and it's very nice,attractive and wonderful..your beauty added by the picture makes it more loving.what really made me come on was my friend that met and marry his wife on here.it really gave me strenght to carry on that i will find my better half.what i need is a loving,caring,affectionate,tr uthful,respectful woman.who will not take me for granted no matter what circumstances comes our way..who is ready to love me for me .i'm very lonely.tell me what you really want on here,and tell me the attribute of your dream man.lot of flowers..

Regards, your secret admirer

Suitor 5

helo how are u doin,can we chat via yahoo.i love ur profile can u pls add me to ur yahoo msg. i want a perfect nice god fearing and reservelady who will love and always be there for me.and also want a qute mart girl.. i was in love with a girl who live in uk but later we decided to quit when i get to know that she was playing on my intetligent. i was broke up cos i was not ready for love then and i fell in love wit ba wrong girl who was cheating and playing my inteligent. I want a monday who is alreday inlove before and who can take care of a man very well. Hoping to chat with u soon.

Suitor 6

Yu speke frenchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhh oh lala. hi

Suitor 7

hey, are you just fall from the sky? :) - just to let you know this is 'Earth' not Venus. however, you are highly 'Welcome' here -- regards X

Aren't i lucky! Can you feel the swoon?