When Martha Stewart verbally body slams the first contestant out of the running of her version of "The Apprentice," she'll substitute 'The Donald's' (ew) trademark "You're fired!" with the less catchy, "You just don't fit in". Huh? You just dont fit in? That's hardly a body slam - that's more like a finger flick to the forehead. Annoying, but inconsequential.
Given that Martha is a perfectionist - i can't actually believe that this is the trademark phrase she'll be hissing at her contestants on a weekly basis. I've taken it upon myself to give Martha a few options, something to think about while she's jerry-rigging her ankle monitoring system to the hind leg of her sleeping chow.
I'm sorry Kaitlen, but:
Your souffle fell flat
Your dogwood won't be blooming this Spring
Your potpourri simply isn't fragrant enough
The stitching on your tea kettle cozy isn't straight
Your jelly jar candles will not be lit
Your french ribbon wreath won't be hung this christmas
Rather than sound like the social chair at sorority rush - sorry heather, you just don't fit in - she can channel jeff probst and with a large bedazzled spatula in her hand she can announce "The WASPs have spoken - please return your monogrammed oven mitt and leave the Hamptons immediately".
Has a nice ring to it - don't you think...
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7 comments:
How about "You've got issues, please leave."
Oops, That would be the pot calling the kettle black ;-)
How about, "Your Holiday pine cone is a little glitter short of acceptable>"
I don't know. I just don't like Martha Stewart. I still think she's a man.
How about:
We don't think that keeping you on our show will help our ratings any more, and we've determined that we have enough good footage to edit. So we're kicking you out today to bolster our sucky ratings.
B'bye.
Your emails won't be re-written.
Oh wait, that was another issue she had...
Or -
Your emails will be rewritten.
Oh wait, she already did that.
Wait! Why are there two of these!
Sorry, having troubles with my internet server. Things showing up, not showing up, pages reloading like snails. Sorry.
Kaia,
Ok, now I've read all about yourself on your blog, and things your charming man in NY had to say on his blog...and I'm hooked. Update please! As a stay at home mom in a little science town, it's fun to read about - single but happily dating, successful woman in big city - life! Enjoyed it.
Kris
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