Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Dream on

Have you ever wanted to drop out - put aside all your obligations - all your responsibility and just do nothing. Every now and then the idea strikes me - i remember years ago - one of my dearest friends "C" and i worked at the same company (we met in college - and she brought me aboard when she needed to grow her team) - and on especially stressful days we would go to lunch and day dream about moving to venice beach and working at a yogurt hut - sharing a 1 bedroom apt - and just making enough to 'get by'. Our only concerns would be what topping the customers wanted on their chocolate fudge swirl. Then reality would snap us rudely back into the present and we would finish our salads and head back to the 18th floor. C is now married - trying for a baby - her husband is partner in a large well known law firm - she's an interior designer with a penchant for louis vuitton and gorgeous jewelry. So much for the yogurt shop...

I keep wondering how much is enough. I do well - i'm very lucky. But i want more. And more. And i wonder if that will cease. When will enough - be 'enough'. When will i be satisfied that i'm where i need to be - when i have 50,000 in the bank? 250,000? 500,000? A million? I think that when i get to 1 million, i'm going to want 2 and then 3. I'm not sure if it's drive and ambition - a need to push myself farther and succeed beyond my expectations of myself - or if it's something more - something vain and empty - something lacking.

I look at people who have so little - yet seem so okay with where they are and where they're never going to be. I wonder what their secret is. I wonder where they find their happiness - how they find their happiness. For all i know - they're the only people in their family to have finished high school - or reached a manager position at a restaurant - and to them - they have succeeded beyond their expectations - they are the family watermark. I suppose every family has their own.

If i had millions of dollars - (let's just face it - you need millions as 1 million just doesn't cut it anymore - that would go so quickly - house - car - new wardrobe - fabulous party - hey - where's my money!) - enough where i could do what i wanted - i would quit my job and start a foundation - or open a boutique. I think the boutique would be much more fun - not as karmically good - but more fun. I would sell home accessories - gorgeous and decadent - and frivolous. I'd invest. Buy art - lautrec, picasso, cheret, warhol, kandinsky, miro and calder. Start a trust for both of my nephews. Hire a trainer. Throw the sickest parties. I'd buy a loft in SoHo and have a home in Pacific Heights. I'd live.

K

4 comments:

Eliza said...

Hi kaia
I kind of stumbed into ur blog thru’ Stephanie’s.
U write really well though I couldn’t read much of it.
(I read the first 2)
C ya ( for now)

Krisco said...

All sounds good.

I think you're right that there's never quite enough. Whatever vista you reach, there is always another. I once dated the sixth son (of seven) of a very wealthy family. (Forbes 500 Families). He told me "real wealth" didn't start until 100 million. By now it's probably 300M. (He personally had less than that so considered himself "poor" by wealthy standards.)

He said it knowing it was ridiculous, and feeling it none the less.

With all my (very ambitious) girlfriends, I have found their "wanting more" peters out after having kids. It just changed their perspectives and what they were willing to do with their time. (Hence, "crib ceiling.":)

If your real dream is to open a high-end decor boutique....you can spend the time now to figure out how to make that happen.

Plus, a lot of times, its those real dreams, the ones you can pour your passion into, that turn out to be the most successful. : )

James said...

Hey - I get what you're saying.

As a Marine, my last paycheck was $538.62. Barely anything, by most standards - but my new lifestyle is awesome, and I love it!

LisaBinDaCity said...

I think it's about priorities in a way. And as time marches on we figure out, (hopefully,) what is the most important to us. While I would love to be wealthy, I also have to figure out will money ultimately make me happy, healthy, loved, kind, and or content? Will the big bucks keep bad things from happening? Will I wake up every day with a smile on my face?

I wish I knew the answers dear.