Dream on

Have you ever wanted to drop out - put aside all your obligations - all your responsibility and just do nothing. Every now and then the idea strikes me - i remember years ago - one of my dearest friends "C" and i worked at the same company (we met in college - and she brought me aboard when she needed to grow her team) - and on especially stressful days we would go to lunch and day dream about moving to venice beach and working at a yogurt hut - sharing a 1 bedroom apt - and just making enough to 'get by'. Our only concerns would be what topping the customers wanted on their chocolate fudge swirl. Then reality would snap us rudely back into the present and we would finish our salads and head back to the 18th floor. C is now married - trying for a baby - her husband is partner in a large well known law firm - she's an interior designer with a penchant for louis vuitton and gorgeous jewelry. So much for the yogurt shop...

I keep wondering how much is enough. I do well - i'm very lucky. But i want more. And more. And i wonder if that will cease. When will enough - be 'enough'. When will i be satisfied that i'm where i need to be - when i have 50,000 in the bank? 250,000? 500,000? A million? I think that when i get to 1 million, i'm going to want 2 and then 3. I'm not sure if it's drive and ambition - a need to push myself farther and succeed beyond my expectations of myself - or if it's something more - something vain and empty - something lacking.

I look at people who have so little - yet seem so okay with where they are and where they're never going to be. I wonder what their secret is. I wonder where they find their happiness - how they find their happiness. For all i know - they're the only people in their family to have finished high school - or reached a manager position at a restaurant - and to them - they have succeeded beyond their expectations - they are the family watermark. I suppose every family has their own.

If i had millions of dollars - (let's just face it - you need millions as 1 million just doesn't cut it anymore - that would go so quickly - house - car - new wardrobe - fabulous party - hey - where's my money!) - enough where i could do what i wanted - i would quit my job and start a foundation - or open a boutique. I think the boutique would be much more fun - not as karmically good - but more fun. I would sell home accessories - gorgeous and decadent - and frivolous. I'd invest. Buy art - lautrec, picasso, cheret, warhol, kandinsky, miro and calder. Start a trust for both of my nephews. Hire a trainer. Throw the sickest parties. I'd buy a loft in SoHo and have a home in Pacific Heights. I'd live.

K