The bags are packed

Start spreading the news
I'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it, New York, New York
These vagabond shoes
Are longing to stray
And make a brand new start of it
New York, New York
I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps
To find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap
These little town blues
Are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it
In old New York
If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you, New York, New York.

I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps
To find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap
These little town blues
Are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it
In old New York
If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you, New York,

New Yorkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Busy bee

I haven't been writing much lately. I've had too much going on - mainly with work. Some play. May was an incredibly busy month for me - i've never been as busy, workwise, than i had been last month. It was ridiculous. I was averaging about 8 deals a week. I think it's time to hire a mini-me - as my director likes to say. So while i'm doing all of this - the last thing on my mind is contributing another post to my blog. Not that there hasn't been a ton of stuff to write about - the horrific Bush/Gay Marriage rewriting of the constitution debacle - my nephew's graduation from pre-school, my planning of the gala at the museum, a hysterical night at a drag bar, my pending trip to NY and so much else.

I kind of admire the people who can write eloquently on a daily basis. Open up their hearts and their minds and put their thoughts down. I'm sure if i put more effort in, i could. I should. I want to write more - but honestly, i can't stand the people who simply write for the 'hits' on their page - for the comments - for the perceived attention. It's kind of sad really. I only want to write if i have something to say. And honestly, i'm rethinking this post as i'm typing these exact words.

It's completely overcast today - welcome to summer in san francisco. While people in the rest of the country are donning shorts and wispy dresses, flip flops and tank tops - i'm pulling out the cashmere wraps and bundling up to take a walk down chestnut street. It's cold. The one good thing about 'summer' is the amazing farmers market which takes residence across the street from my apartment every saturday (thru october actually). I love being able to wake up - throw on sweats and put my hair up and buy farm fresh fruits and veggies - beautiful flowers and fish caught before dawn. I went this morning - bought fresh strawberries, squash, cherries, salmon, hydrangea, and some french green beans. Dinner should be fabulous tonight :)

I'm signing up for french classes at l'alliance francais with my girl friend C. They start in july. I'm also starting additional classes in august through december. I'm planning on going paris in october and need to brush up on my language skills. I used to be fluent and i've completely lost my grasp of the language. I can still understand and speak french - but to a limited degree - and if i'm in paris i want to feel completely comfortable. So i'm really looking forward to it. I love the language - it's so beautiful and to be fluent again is something i really want. After that, i think i'll take italian.

Other than that - not a whole lot has gone on - or rather - a lot has gone on, but i just don't feel inclined to put it to paper, so to speak. So, rather than fill up this page with a bunch of words, i think i'll end this post and write more when i have something more interesting to say...

Until then - ciao - K

Wheel of Torture

I left the remote across the room - accidently - out of reach as i curled up on the couch and watched Jeopardy. The show ended and it's bastard cousin - Wheel of Fortune - came on. It's something like "College Week" - i think - there were marching bands...

The first puzzle - "Place" - 2 lines 9 letters each.

A girl in uniform with french braids (french braids...??) started solving the puzzle.

Oh - and she yelled out - loudly - all the letters she wanted . Charming.

L!!!

---l-----
------l--

S!!!

---l-s---
------l--

C!!!

--cl-s---
-----cl--

B!!

--cl-s---
-----cl-b

The crowd is totally getting into it - cheering louder with each spin and correct letter.

G!!!!

--cl-s---
--g--cl-b

N!!!

--cl-s---
n-g--cl-b

V!!!!

--cl-s-v-
n-g--cl-b

T!!!!

--cl-s-v-
n-g-tcl-b

H!!!!

--cl-s-v-
n-ghtcl-b

She screaches - I want to buy a VOWELLLLLLL

U!!!!!

--clus-v-
n-ghtclub

I want to buy another VOWELLL!!

I!!!

--clusiv-
nightclub

The crowd is going crazy at this point - she just landed on some special $10,000 dollar section of the wheel.

Another Vowel PAT!!!

E!!!!!!

e-clusive
nightclub

Pat is caught up in the frenzy at this point "You ready to solve the puzzle?"

She responds "No" defiantly - and spins again - barely missing 'Bankrupt"

- the crowd lets out some OHHHHs and she yells out...

K!!!!!!!

e-clusive
nightclub



"College Week" - need i say more...

Highs and lows

I haven't written in a while. I've been busy - work - play - the usual. Went to Tahoe with friends and cleaned up at the Craps table - love that game - all they do is give you money. I ended up driving up for 1 day - rather than 2. It was still fun - we (4 of us who kept winning and didn't want to leave) got home saturday night around 3:30am from the casinos and woke the house up coming in...drunk and noisy. Was so glad i went - it ended up being a great weekend - really felt like a mini vacation.

Work has been incredibly busy and very stressful - i got thrown under the bus yesterday by a Sales Executive and i turned around and threw him into an oncoming train. He won't be doing that again... i swear - i love it when these guys think that i have some massive team behind me when in actuality - it's only me - supporting the strategic efforts of the entire global sales group. This was some new SE who didn't know how the process worked and when he snapped his fingers - figuratively - at me to hustle - and then pointed that just snapped finger at me when i didn't jump to his command fast enough (i have 9 deals this week - all due sometime this week - and his is due next week) - he threw me under the bus - in an email - of course cc'd to numerous people. Much to his dismay - i went for his jugular when i responded to his email. It was also vindicating when his regional director emailed all that were cc'd on his email to me - telling him not to blame me for his mishandling of his deal. Good. Fuck you. He picked the wrong day to screw with me.

I've been having a lot of self doubt lately - trying to figure out if what i'm doing is what i'm supposed to be doing. I'm being headhunted - pretty aggressively - and while it would be a lateral move - it would be to a more stable company - and very familiar territory. I'm going to push the money issue with them and see if they're still interested - see how badly they want me. I honestly don't know. When i say 'stable' in terms of my company - i'm talking about the other company being an older, established... my company is a baby in terms of how long it's been around (we're public and an industry leader - i'm not talking start-up) - and while i love what i do - the security of going back to into the other realm is somewhat tempting. I'm conflicted.

I'm being vague because i have to. I'm sure you understand.

I'm going for cocktails tomorrow night with one of my girlfriends - C - she's been one of my best friends since college. I absolutely adore her. We're meeting a group of friends - and friends of friends at a very cool - very european bar/restaurant at 8:30pm. I did a little fake tanning (i use the 'towelettes' rather than the lotion - i always miss spots with the lotion) so i don't look so pale. I did get some color up in Tahoe - but not enough - i want to be honey colored. So - i woke today with the exact color i wanted (upper body only - wearing a suit - no need for the legs) - and i don't know what it is - but i feel so much better when i have some color on me - i don't want to tan anymore - i used to LOVE tanning - i would lay out for hours - and spending half my life in hawaii - that is basically expected - and i would get golden brown - i loved it. But now - ug - i can't bare the idea of leathery skin or wrinkles in my future - so now my tan comes from the bottle - so to speak...

I'll update on the cocktails later this week if anything fun happens. I've decided against going to the ball in monte carlo - and instead i'm going to head to paris (and probably london) in october for another ball. Should be amazing...

Nothing else is going on - just the usual stuff - rich is great - i'm heading back to NY in june to spend some time with him and do some work. Cannot wait - i miss him very much.

Ciao - K

Back in SF

Hi all -

It's been a while - i got back from NY 2 week ago (tomorrow) - and it still feels like i just left. I haven't unpacked yet. I mean - i've taken out all the pretty things i bought - but the other crap - stiletto's - pashmina's - down jacket - and that pair of jeans i never wore are still socked away - waiting to be put in their proper places. I have no intention of doing that any time soon. Maybe the pashmina's - i hate to wear them when they're wrinkled. The suitcase has moved from one hallway to another though - so i'm making progress - it actually has left it's original resting point from when i arrived home at 1:30am.

NY was amazing - we had THE best time. Saw all our friends - cocktailed - dined out - found new fabulous restaurants - Jane and Metsovo (we went there twice) - we had drinks at the Hudson - and Mercer Kitchen - had dinner at Balthazar - brunch at Jacques - had THE quintessential NY star sighting - Donald. Yes, Donald Trump - SO nice - soft hands - held the door for me - i think Melania was there too but i was so freaking awe struck that i didn't even notice - i did scamper away quickly enough to grab this photo from my camera phone of him opening the door.


Yes, i'm a dork - but it was Donald - and there are few - very very few people i would ever snap a picture of or be so totally excited to see - except maybe lenny kravitz - but that's an entirely different story - it involves shoe shopping and well - never mind... i digress - we saw all our friends and seriously had the best time. Always sad to leave as the weather was so beautiful. It did snow the day before i left which was odd, but so pretty. The day i left if was nice again. So hard to leave...

Since i've been home - i've seen my nephews - and family - had dinner with mom and dad - gave the little monkeys their presents - as well as the rest of the family. Oh yeah, and i ended up in the hospital because of my back. I tweaked it somehow - and it just kept getting worse and worse until i ended up at the emergency room last tuesday. I spent the day there - blech the general masses - especially when ill - are just so revolting - i had one man in front of me on a gurney ( in my little exam room) - moaning 'Ooooooooh' - over and over and over and over and over and over and i shit you not OVER again. He'd throw in "I'm VERY sick" every now and then to break up the monotony of his 'oooooh's. It was special. The staff knew him by name and strapped him to the bed so he wouldn't get up and walk around - which he was prone to doing. Lovely. I don't need to describe the others to you - trust me - it was no glamour party.

I finally see my doctor - kinda Dr. McDreamy - except i'm fairly certain he was gay - and we talked about my back - and he gave me a horse pill to take to ease some of the pain - and then when he realized i was driving myself home - he couldn't do much more other than give me prescriptions. I was told to get dressed - and the nurse would have prescriptions ready. While getting dressed - i had a massive back spasm in the bathroom - um, ew - and could barely stand upright - literally - it's like the middle of my back gave out. It took me a good 5 minutes to compose myself - get dressed - literally grab my prescriptions and drive to walgreen's to have them filled. When i finally got home - i took 2 codeine - 1 valium and don't remember much else. I slept on the couch that night - was basically in hibernation for the next few days - waking to take my meds - and then sleep. Rich took care to call me often - check up on me - i barely remember those conversations - but i know he called all the time - which is so very sweet.

I'm better now - off the major drugs and just taking ibuprofen - not a lot - but daily. I'm bringing what is left over to NY next time i go to make sure i have stuff handy in case something like this happens again. I have a bad back - it's been this way for a while - i have a compressed disc - but it's manageable. This was different - and it wouldn't get better. But finally - i'm okay. Phew.

I'm wondering if there is anything else - oh yeah - remember my cocktails with the prince in january - well i've been invited to a ball in monte carlo in june - to celebrate the 1st anniversary of prince andrew's ascension to the throne. I have literally no idea if i'll be going - but holy shit - how fabulous is that!

All else is well - K

Extension

I've extended my trip by a few days. It's been absolutely gorgeous here - all the buds and blooms are blossoming. We've been having a great time - seeing friends - shopping - dinners out - dinners in - cocktails - and - of course - work. The crush of work is gone - with the quarter end turning into 2nd quarter - so i've got some breathing room. Leaving the office a bit early and heading to SoHo for dinner tonight. It's been a fantastic trip.

More later - K

Big Apple

I'm in NY - having an amazing time - slammed with work but having fun too - dinners out - cocktails with friends - a little shopping - a little birthday karaoke - and massive much needed time with rich.

More later - K

It's a motherfucking walk-off!

Project Runway ended with a fizzle. Chloe won with her tribute to 1980's prom attire. The colors - the fabrics - the style - it was all pretty awful. But for some reason - the judges loved her. I think Santino got robbed - his collection was sick! The Burgundy leather knickers with the champagne colored wisp of a top - so sexy - the ethereal dresses - the colors - the fabrics - his clothes begged to be touched. Chloe's begged for the costume desginer for Dynasty to raid her collection. Awful. I was iffy on Daniel's collection - while some of his pieces were stunning - i didn't like the medallion on the front of the chocolate brown silk dress - it was unnecessary. I thought his slacks/sweater/shortsleeved shirt ensembles were boring except for the one with the low cut corset vest - that was very sexy. I thought the brocade jacket was stunning as was the white cashmere coat with matte silver buttons. Gorgeous. I like his pale pale pale aqua wrap sweater with satin trim. His handbags did have a bit of high school wood shop to them - but i liked what they added to the pieces.

All in all - i would have given Santino the top prize - then Daniel and lastly, Chloe. I keep trying to see what they saw in her collection and i simply can't. I thought it was garish and dated. And - AND - who wears mermaid dresses?? WHO?? No one, that's who! Who wears fuschia damask and gold lame? She designed a line of truly hideous mother of the bride dresses - with matchy matchy shrugs. Awful.

Also - Debra Messing - while fabulous in her own right - and always fantasically dressed on Will & Grace - i would hardly consider her a fashion icon. I have no idea why she would have been the final guest judge. Sarah Jessica Parker - Sharon Stone - Selma Blair - Kate Moss - so many others who are known for their fashion sense - the innateness of their style - Kate Beckinsale - Gwenyth Paltrow - Nicole Ritchie - etc - there are so many others - i don't know why - and they didn't explain why either - they chose Debra.

I was so disappointed. My sister and i talked at each commercial - critiquing each collection - calling out certain pieces - fawning over others. We both agreed that Santino should have won. We thought Chloe's was terrible - that Daniel's needed more cohesion. Santino hit the mark. We hung up after the show - baffled. Annoyed. Let down.

So be it - the fashion god's weren't smiling upon us that day. Cannot wait for next season - hopefully it will be as good as this one has been. Or at least as good as this one until Chloe won.

Make it work!

K



Side note - the new show - Top Chef - - their house is like 2 blocks from my apt :) excited to finally have a reality show based in SF. Watched the fist episode last night - it was awesome! One thing about chef's - they're assholes mostly - perfectionists - temperamental - arrogant - demanding and as such - this should make for amazing reality tv!

Project Runway

My pick for tonight's finale of Project Runway is...

Santino Rice

Yes - he's crazy and arrogant and at times a complete mess - but i think - with respect to a collection - and from what i've seen of his final runway collection - it's better than both Chloe and Daniel. I totally respect someone who says what is on their mind - even if (especially if) it's snarky and off the cuff - and if Santino is anything - he's that guy. He's also hysterically funny - which is a big plus in my book.

While Daniel might be a better designer - with more wearable pieces - his collection wasn't awe inspiring. Santino's was.

So that's my pick - we'll see tonight if i'm right.

Ciao - K


ps - i still think Nick should have won.

Blimey!

I need to get something off my chest. I have no idea why this has bothered me so much lately, but it has - and i think it's time i address it. It's the damn Geico gecko. I've noticed something of late - he's got a heavy cockney accent - like he's from the dodgey end of town.

When he first appeared in these commercials - he had a rather high class british accent - drove a classic red convertible and had quite a way with the ladies. He was the james bond of the amphibian jet set.

Now, he's talking about pie and chips and, frankly, should be auditioning for a coveted role in a Guy Ritchie film. I suppose this is to appeal to the masses - but making him more accessible - more likeable - but i kind of equate this to swapping out the Darren's on Bewitched - it's unsettling. Did they think we wouldn't notice?

Anyone...?

Unfathomable

This horrific turn of events was repulsive enough to make me come out of hiding.

What's next - our right to vote? Go to college? Are we suddenly back in the 50s? Should we go back to segregation between blacks and whites? Own slaves? Should we go back to witch hunts and public hangings? I'm so appalled and sickened by this. This country - this administration - is rapidly moving in the worst possible direction - and slowly but steadily chipping away at women's rights. It's unbelievable - and incredibly frightening.

What's even more appalling is the fact that this was done specifically to begin the methodical erosion of Roe v. Wade - and essentially, women's rights and health.

This is a sad sad day...

Champagne and Advil

Hungover. Hung. Over. That's what i can say about partying with a prince. He was extremely nice - quiet - flanked by a bodyguard - and dressed impeccably. I arrived with L a bit after the party started - and there were numerous people already there - milling about - looking fabulous. Me, you ask - well i was wearing a black gucci suit, dior stilettos and my black wool boucle chanel bag. Hair down, red lips, a smattering of jewelry and a pashmina finished the look.

L and i grabbed champagne and she introduced me to the prince. He was older than i thought he would be, but handsome and for lack of a better word, gentle. We shook hands, clinked champagne glasses and toasted to his birthday. We talked about the opening of the ballet (the night before) - his visit to San Francisco, and his love of Paris and London. More and more people arrived - each more interesting than the next - P, an ex model, now in tv, had the most amazing blue eyes - he noticed my david yurman bracelets and we discussed different jewelry and our favorite pieces (my bracelets and his john hardy cufflinks); R - tall and swarthy, fluent in 5 languages and ceo of an advertising company - we talked favorite restaurants in NY - his growing up on Paris and his bi-coastal life these days; K - a fabulous 'latina' with a contagious thirst for fun - she looked effortlessly chic and we talked about her life in london and NY and her recent move to SF. Everyone drank and chatted and flirted and talked 'ohhhh you know him too' and 'how do you know the prince' and 'oh we met at the ball in paris - you have to come in june' - 'sundance was such a bore' - 'the clubs in San Francisco are terrible' - 'I so miss London's nightlife' - 'sweetie are you coming to Monaco too' - and so many other interesting, surreal, fascinating, ridiculous and marvelous conversations.

The champagne flowed and we must have gone through at least (at least) 2 cases by the time i was ready to go. His last birthday party, according to several of the guests, lasted until nearly noon the next day - and the evening was still in full swing with people still arriving even at this late hour. However, while my stilettos are fabulous and sexy - they are also messengers of pain and i could barely stand up at this point - add the nearly 5 glasses of champagne and it's no wonder i was having issues staying upright. I made the rounds and said goodbye to my new friends - double-cheek air kisses and business cards were exchanged with abandon - and we made plans to all get together soon. Soon.

I said ciao. Ciaoooo. Not the american 'chow' - but the Italian smokey, sultry, batted eyelash, drawn out version which oozes sexiness. Ciaooooo. It felt good.

Ciaoooooo dahhhling.

K

Catch Up

I haven't posted in a while - work was crazy the first half of this month - trying to get a deal closed - spending the rest of my time with rich - seeing friends in NY - etc. I pushed my flight back twice and only went home when i did because i had a date with my nephew (he's 5) that i couldn't cancel. I've been playing catch-up since i've gotten home - saw some friends on Friday night - had a few cocktails and went to a new restaurant on Chestnut called Mamacita - it was good - a bit overpriced for mexican - but the food wasn't typical mexican either - pumpkin seed crusted seared ahi with a cilantro lime sauce - stuff like that. Yum. Went to a few bars after that - ran into some friends we hadn't seen in a while - typical friday night.

Nothing much else to report - except that i've got this amazing cocktail party to attend on Thursday night - from what i understand - royalty is going to be there - a prince - it's his birthday and that's the reason for the party - should be fun :)

I'll dish about the party on Friday.

Ciao - K

Kitten in the Big City

I'm sitting at my desk - looking down on what i believe to be madison square garden - it's just a giant circle so i can't imagine what else that would be - and given that my office is across the street - i'm fairly certain on this assumption. The skies are grey and the buildings in my view look rather dark and dirty. The 'woooop woooop' of a siren just passed somewhere below. I can see part of a church spire - jutting upward 17-18 floors - the brick is a dark deep red - patinaed, now aqua, bronze crosses stand atop smaller spires circling the largest. I'm a bit of a voyeur - i love looking into the other buildings. There's a mix of apartments and offices. I find it interesting to watch people go about their daily lives. I like to see how people live - what their homes look like - what they surround themselves with. I've peeked into some amazing homes and have also seen some sad little hovels - each is interesting though - each makes a statement.

This is such an incredible city. I love the energy - the pulse - the palpable buzz - it's constant. I love soho - rich and i spend most of our weekends in that area. I love the exposed cobblestones - the bottleglass sidewalk grates - the smaller side streets - the architecture - the whole sense of the area. The artists and actors, the boho's and the ladies who lunch - the street vendors and the shopkeepers - they've created this eclectic mix of social utopia - where - regardless of stature - they're all together - brushing elbows - mixing it up - finding their corner - owning their space. I'm aware i romanticize the area - but it's the way i see it - and i wouldn't change a thing.

I've been here a week - and this trip has been more mellow than the others - which is nice actually. It's more like being home than being 'away'. We're ordering in rather than going out - we're having friends over - spending time with other couples - groups of friends. It's more of how our life will be than the other trips - it's more settled - more constant.

The grey skies are breaking up a bit and there's a steady stream of puffy white steam coming off the roof of madison square garden. The last time i was here we saw a guy parachute past our windows. Without so much as lifting his head from his paperwork - one of my co-workers says - man is he in a shitload of trouble once he lands. Maybe it's the parachuting executive - or the way they say fuck in the office (all the time) - or the way we can order sushi and omelets at 3am if the mood strikes - or that it's cold enough to swaddle myself in my new chinchilla wrap - or the way the buildings look when the sun sets behind them - or how i feel young when i'm here - almost innocent - or how when i carry groceries back to rich's i wonder if people think i'm a new yorker - or the sense of endless possibility - or how central park looks with a fresh blanket of footprint-free snow - or how i feel pulled back here - again and again and again - but i think i have a crush on new york.

Yeah, I'm smitten.



K

Out with the old...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Here's to wishing everyone a happy and healthy 2006.

Much love - K

Chrismakah

Christmas came and went with a mere wimper this year. My mom was sick with a cold - so while i went over to spend the day at my parents, it was really mellow. My dad and i went to to see Syriana - which turned out to be an absolutely phenomenal movie - incredibly complex - but captivating. I think i need to see it again actually - hopefully rich and i will see it while i'm in NY. After the movie - we came home and headed to an early dinner at a chinese restaurant in sausalito. That was pretty much it. It was nice to spend the day with them - but it was definitely the quietest christmas we've had in years. Chanukah started on the 25th as well - so i lit the first candle when i got home. Ahh - the joys of growing up in a mixed religion family.

I'm heading to ny on thursday morning - spending new year's with rich and friends. I'll be staying until the 10th i think - need to check my ticket. Of course i had to do a little shopping to prepare for the cold - new jacket - and i'm thinking of getting this for the trip - but in black - or maybe this - i haven't decided yet. I think i like the second one better. But the first is more classic. And if you're a fan of PETA - spare me the lecture - thanks.

I've got a deal closing today - so i need to get back to work - and then head to marin to take back the present i bought for my youngest nephew - my sister and i bought the exact same outfit for him - so i'm taking mine back. They're in hawaii right now - on the big island - until the first - they go every year with her husband's family. When i talked to her yesterday - she put the little one on the phone and he can now say beach - and surf - but not my name. He is still calling me kaka. Or he'll call me kiki - which is my mom. It's okay - he'll get kaia soon enough...

So looking forward to NY - and spending some very very needed time with rich. :)

On that note - it's back to work - K

Dream on

Have you ever wanted to drop out - put aside all your obligations - all your responsibility and just do nothing. Every now and then the idea strikes me - i remember years ago - one of my dearest friends "C" and i worked at the same company (we met in college - and she brought me aboard when she needed to grow her team) - and on especially stressful days we would go to lunch and day dream about moving to venice beach and working at a yogurt hut - sharing a 1 bedroom apt - and just making enough to 'get by'. Our only concerns would be what topping the customers wanted on their chocolate fudge swirl. Then reality would snap us rudely back into the present and we would finish our salads and head back to the 18th floor. C is now married - trying for a baby - her husband is partner in a large well known law firm - she's an interior designer with a penchant for louis vuitton and gorgeous jewelry. So much for the yogurt shop...

I keep wondering how much is enough. I do well - i'm very lucky. But i want more. And more. And i wonder if that will cease. When will enough - be 'enough'. When will i be satisfied that i'm where i need to be - when i have 50,000 in the bank? 250,000? 500,000? A million? I think that when i get to 1 million, i'm going to want 2 and then 3. I'm not sure if it's drive and ambition - a need to push myself farther and succeed beyond my expectations of myself - or if it's something more - something vain and empty - something lacking.

I look at people who have so little - yet seem so okay with where they are and where they're never going to be. I wonder what their secret is. I wonder where they find their happiness - how they find their happiness. For all i know - they're the only people in their family to have finished high school - or reached a manager position at a restaurant - and to them - they have succeeded beyond their expectations - they are the family watermark. I suppose every family has their own.

If i had millions of dollars - (let's just face it - you need millions as 1 million just doesn't cut it anymore - that would go so quickly - house - car - new wardrobe - fabulous party - hey - where's my money!) - enough where i could do what i wanted - i would quit my job and start a foundation - or open a boutique. I think the boutique would be much more fun - not as karmically good - but more fun. I would sell home accessories - gorgeous and decadent - and frivolous. I'd invest. Buy art - lautrec, picasso, cheret, warhol, kandinsky, miro and calder. Start a trust for both of my nephews. Hire a trainer. Throw the sickest parties. I'd buy a loft in SoHo and have a home in Pacific Heights. I'd live.

K

Handcuffed

I want to be honest and i can't. It's so tempting - so frustrating - so in my grasp. There are too many things i want to say - to tell the truth - to shout outloud - to let certain people know how i really feel. I can't. Consequences are far too great. For this to happen - people will be hurt - and the momentary rush i'll get from being brutally honest probably won't feel good an hour after that. So i'm biting my tongue - sitting on my hands - trying desperately not to let it all out. I'm not sure how much longer i can do this - keep it in and securely tied down - locked away and neatly boxed. Can't i just let one little vent out?? Can't i be a little naughty?

I'm just so sick of all the pandering bullshit that i see - the ass kissing - the total and utter lack of talent. It kills me. Killllllllls me. And i can't say a word.

Fuck.

K

Moving forward

I'm out of my funk. Feeling better, still not 100% - but a lot better. Work is still crazy - it's not only the end of quarter but it's end of year. SO all the SE's are trying to get all their deals in. There's just a lot of stuff going on. Nothing new - just felt overwhelmed last week.

I was supposed to be going to NY this thursday - to see rich and go to my cousin's wedding. It was getting too complicated and with NYE coming up - i didn't want to make that trip twice in 1 month. Not sure what we're doing for NYE - plans so far are dinner with friends - and cocktails. It'll be fun. Looking forward to it - i've never spent NYE in NY - and i hear it's an incredible city to ring in the new year. I have no interest in heading out to some club - amongst the throngs of people - fighting my way to the bar for drinks - screaming over the music - etc - that is so unappetizing to me. Hopefully we'll go someplace fun - for dinner and drinks - and then stay. Honestly, i'm not a huge fan of NYE. It seems that so many people are trying to hard to have fun - that it ends up being a fairly lame night. I'd much rather stay home - have a fabulous bottle of champagne and ring in the new year with rich - than among the masses. But we're definitely doing dinner which is great - because the people we're having dinner with are great - and fun - so it should make for a good night.

The best NYE so far - had to be when 1999 turned to 2000. I was out with one of my dearest girlfriends - M - and we went to a black tie private party at Balboa in SF. The drinks flowed - everyone looked amazing - we had an incredible night. The DJ put on Prince's 'party like it's 1999' when the countdown to 2000 started and everyone went crazy - dancing on tables - screaming - it was hysterical. M and i were jumping up and down hugging eachother - spilling champagne everywhere - laughing and kissing boys. It really was such a fun night - definitely my favorite NYE so far. Until maybe this year...

Meow - K

Get the pom-poms out

I am so underwater with work right now. I'm losing my mind. Literally.

Oh, and i'm sick. And PMSing.

Yay me.

K